Straight Men: It’s Okay To Be Gay

An interview with Mads Ananda Lodahl. By himself.

Mads Ananda Lodahl, someone started a video campaign, called Straight But Not Narrow. The idea is that straight men make youtube-videos where they tell other straight men, that it’s okay to be gay. What do you think about that?

I think it’s stupid and I honestly don’t care what straight men think about the fact that I like to put other men’s penises in my mouth and my butt. Unless it’s their penises, off course.

The campaign is a reaction to all the young queers (mainly gays boys) who killed themselves after being bullied (by mainly straight boys). Another campaign that got a lot of attention was the It Get’s Better-campaign. What do you think about that?

Basically, I liked the campaign a lot because it gave gay men a voice that could express more than just chit chat about consumption, fashion and sex, and actually shared some of the painful experiences with bullying, self-hatred and fear that most queers live with.

At the same time it had the very clear message that when you are young some of the things that are difficult will automatically get easier when you’re older, simply because you get more independent and get to choose more whom you hang out with. Off course that doesn’t always mean that it actually get’s better. But if you are thinking about killing yourself, you might want to wait a bit and see if things get better, and then if they don’t, you can always kill yourself later.

That said there were a lot of problematic things about the campaign. A lot has already been written about it. I think this text is pretty good and I agree with most of it, even though I don’t think it’s a problem to be anti-religious.

But you’re always so pissed off about straight men. Now when some of them are actually doing something for queers, that’s not good enough either. Do you just want to be negative?

I have great appreciation for straight men that are part of queer struggles. My circle of friends is full of them. But this campaign is so off. The people who made it think they are doing something for gays, but what they are actually doing is confirming that straight men are the ones who have the right and authority to decide what’s okay and what’s not.

Do you have a problem with straight men?

No, but I have a problem with straight and male dominance. No matter if it comes in the form of violence and bullying or as misunderstood solidarity and campaigns that confirm a hierarchy with straight men on the top.

So what should they have done?

Well, the important question is: how can you make a campaign that represents/benefits a group that you don’t belong to and that is structurally subordinate to your own position in society and avoid reproducing that power relation, avoid taking away the voice and the right to self-definition of the oppressed group and avoid turning it into a story about “the big, strong hero saving the poor, helpless gays (or women or immigrants or whoever it’s about)”? It’s a really good question and it’s not easy to answer.

This campaign is aimed at potential gay haters. I know they tried to think educationally about it, but it’s not logic to me that the message ends up being “it’s okay to be gay” and not “it’s not okay to be homophobic.” I mean, shouldn’t it be that way around? I think, it should be clear for the audience that to the people who made the campaign it’s so obvious that it’s okay that they don’t even bother saying it.

I appreciate it when straight men get together in a political (separatist) group and ask each other: “Okay, so we have this position in society. What does that mean? What part does that give us to play? What power does it give us? And what difference can we make from this position?” But then they need to stick to their part of the field and accept that their job is not to decide which sexualities are okay and which aren’t.

Would you rather that they hadn’t even made the campaign?

I don’t know.

But aren’t they just doing their best? Isn’t the intention good?

Just cause you’re a rich and famous straight man with good contact and all your privileges secured doesn’t mean you can’t use your head and educate yourself a bit before starting some campaign, instead of just assuming that all the little faggots are going to clap their little hands every time someone says they might not go to hell anyway. Seriously, watch the videos. The things they’re saying are so fucking stupid.

Man, you’re bitter!

No. I’m annoyed by paternal straight men and boys who think it makes any difference to me, when they say: “it’s okay to be gay.” I don’t care what they think and it doesn’t change a thing about the oppression I live with. The only thing it does is making them look more cool and tolerant.